Jim has done remarkably well on the citalopram. It helped with his anxiety and some of his compulsions. He is on the maximum safe dose. However, the last couple of weeks there was an increase in his agitation. It was pretty hard to watch.
Around the time that I noticed this change, I started keeping a daily notation of how the day went with regards to anxiety and agitation. I've always used Florida (this past winter) as my baseline. It was then that his anxiety and agitation was at its highest. The last couple of weeks he was averaging between 5 - 6. For comparison, on Jim's most difficult days in Florida, I would rate it 2 - 3. So it was better than this past winter, but still pretty rough at times.
About a week ago, he told me that he was leaving. He was quite agitated and insisted he had to "get out of here". When I asked where he was going he said he couldn't tell me. It was a very hot day. He tucked a pair of blue jeans and underwear under his arm and headed out the door. I calmly said "Why don't you wait until after dinner? It will be cooler then." He agreed! And of course by the time we had dinner, he had completely forgotten about his plan to leave. Phew! But I wasn't really too worried about him actually leaving. His fatigue these days is such that he would not have made it much past our house.
I called Dr. S. for some guidance for this recent increase in agitation and anxiety. She reminded me that most folks with such advanced memory loss will require additional medication for help in controlling the increase in anxiety and agitation, especially with the progression of the disease. She advised me to start giving the Seroquel every day, instead of as needed. She felt that for Jim it would work better if given every day.
I admit I was uncertain that this would work. However I am pleased to report that thus far, he seems to be doing much better. The last 3 days were all 10's. I know that there will still be hard times ahead for us, but this improvement is so very welcomed at this point in our journey.
I should add that my scoring system does not account for confusion. His everyday confusion continues to worsen, with some days being better than others. But this is the normal course for dementia and is not terribly difficult to deal with.
On a different note...Can you imagine how frustrating it must feel to be experiencing discomfort or pain, and not be able to relay to others what is happening? This happened to Jim three days ago. Through my intuitive detective skills, I was able to determine that Jim was having problems passing urine. Given his recent difficulties with bathroom related issues, I have been paying very close (but discreet) attention to these kinds of things. And even though he could not tell me specifically what was wrong, or even respond very well to my questions, I was able to ascertain what was going on.
A quick call to Dr. S (thank goodness it was Friday and not the weekend!) and she agreed with my assessment and ordered an appropriate medication for Jim. He has a history of BPH, and as the condition worsens it can cause problems starting the stream. Hooray for Dr. S! The medication works, and within two hours, all systems were go.
But it is a very sober reminder to me that with Jim's declining vocabulary, it will become more challenging to figure out when there is something medically wrong.
The really good news....Jim took all of this in stride! Yes, he was more anxious initially, which could have easily turned into agitation. But it didn't! So much to be grateful for.
I was scheduled for my mammogram earlier today. I tried my hardest, but was unable to arrange with the office for Jim to accompany me. So, Mike met us there and pretended that he was waiting for his wife. Mike suggested that he and Jim wait outside on a bench. Hooray! Another success story. So grateful for Mike.
He continues to mix up his pronouns, but I am becoming accustomed to it. Earlier today we shared a tender moment:
Me: "I'm so grateful that you are my husband"
Jim: "And I'm grateful that you're my husband too!" 😍
A rough two weeks for Jim and dementia, but I feel like things have turned a corner, at least for now. Thanks for stopping by; I so appreciate each one of you!
Monday, July 24, 2017
Saturday, July 15, 2017
Dementia says "I Don't Know What To Do"
More changes. I've always known that this is a progressive, fatal disease. But sometimes I am caught off guard when the changes come our way.
Jim had a rough week. He is now clearly in stage 6 c and with some early signs of 6d and 6e. With Alzheimer's, when a person starts to lose a skill, it's not necessarily all or nothing. What I have witnessed is that the loss is manifested intermittently, and then proceeds with increased frequency until that skill is lost.
Communication challenges continue to make things all that much harder for Jim. The other day I was drying his hair for him and he said (rather calmly) "hurry", and at the same time made some vague hand gesture. I assumed he was telling me to hurry up with drying his hair. I was wrong. He walked away from me, headed for the guest bathroom and closed the door. He didn't quite make it in time. I felt so bad for him. He was embarrassed. I'm actually pretty good during times like this at remaining calm and reassuring him that there is nothing he needs to be worried about. Well, I can pull this off in front of him. I have to admit that in my own quiet moment I felt overwhelmed and incredibly sad for Jim.
The following day I figured out that he needed to use the bathroom. He stood in front of the toilet and said "I don't know what to do." It shocked me. I know it shouldn't, but it just was shocking to me to hear him say these words. I actually did very well in hiding my reaction. In a very reassuring way I assisted him with his clothing, gave a few prompts, and then he did fine. It's not happening every day; it is quite intermittent at this point that he needs help. I'm so very grateful that he trusts me and accepts my help. I try so hard to make it easy for him to accept my guidance and support, and this seems to be working.
It appears that "bathroom" and "toilet" are no longer in his vocabulary. He understands the meaning, but is unable to produce the words to indicate his needs. I realize now that bathroom needs must always be at the forefront any time he is trying to tell me something that I don't understand.
On a practical level, I've changed our mattress pad to one that will provide better protection for the mattress. I also have a spare mattress pad and extra bedding in the event I need to do a quick change at night. I have the proper undergarments for him to wear, when the time is right. At this point, my hyper-attentiveness will be all that is needed for now. Nighttime doesn't seem to be a problem, yet.
He is understandably frustrated with his decline in being able to communicate. I've learned a new technique over the last couple weeks or so that seems to help with his frustration.
Typically when he says something that is totally nonsensical, and I am unable to derive any meaning from context, I would say something vague, "I'm not sure". He would sometimes become angry that I didn't know the answer to his question. Lately I've been responding a little differently:
Jim: "What is the red side before tomorrow?"
Me: "I'm not sure...Do you know?"
It's a subtle difference, but by adding the "Do you know?" it takes the focus off me, and puts it back on him. I always use a tone of commiseration, and so far this seems to work fairly well. So instead of thinking about how upset he is that I don't know the answer, we can share the feeling of frustration that we both don't know the answer.
Lately there have been a few challenges with medications, where he has questioned why he needs "all these pills". This is new. I have started to make some decisions about what medications are really critical for him at this point. This turned out to be a wise move. He seems to be doing much better with less pills to pop in his mouth.
My friend Jan has been a tremendous support to me through our email exchanges. In her last email, she wrote "...but it also sounds like you are prepared to decide for yourself what is working well and what isn't. Hang onto that - you're the only one there who sees and knows what's going on."
What a powerful statement. It encourages me to trust myself and to trust the decisions that I am making for Jim on his behalf.
I have a link that might be of interest to others who are caring for and making decisions for someone with dementia. The European Association for Palliative Care developed guidelines for healthcare professionals and caregivers for those with dementia.
Update on boredom: I've been struggling with things to fill our time that Jim enjoys and is capable of participating, at least in an observational way. I just discovered the Science channel and the Animal Planet channel and he seems to be enjoying them. I have to keep the news to a minimum. He is incorporating way to much of it into our reality. The other day he said we needed to "lawyer up". He said this while the TV news was talking about Trump lawyering up. I've ordered a few jigsaw puzzles to try. I chose ones with dogs, since he is such a big dog lover. I am starting with very easy puzzles. His spatial skills are not good at all, so I don't know if this will work. We'll see....
Another post is written. So many changes and challenges. Thank you dear readers for listening and letting me share with you what is on my heart and mind.
Jim had a rough week. He is now clearly in stage 6 c and with some early signs of 6d and 6e. With Alzheimer's, when a person starts to lose a skill, it's not necessarily all or nothing. What I have witnessed is that the loss is manifested intermittently, and then proceeds with increased frequency until that skill is lost.
Communication challenges continue to make things all that much harder for Jim. The other day I was drying his hair for him and he said (rather calmly) "hurry", and at the same time made some vague hand gesture. I assumed he was telling me to hurry up with drying his hair. I was wrong. He walked away from me, headed for the guest bathroom and closed the door. He didn't quite make it in time. I felt so bad for him. He was embarrassed. I'm actually pretty good during times like this at remaining calm and reassuring him that there is nothing he needs to be worried about. Well, I can pull this off in front of him. I have to admit that in my own quiet moment I felt overwhelmed and incredibly sad for Jim.
The following day I figured out that he needed to use the bathroom. He stood in front of the toilet and said "I don't know what to do." It shocked me. I know it shouldn't, but it just was shocking to me to hear him say these words. I actually did very well in hiding my reaction. In a very reassuring way I assisted him with his clothing, gave a few prompts, and then he did fine. It's not happening every day; it is quite intermittent at this point that he needs help. I'm so very grateful that he trusts me and accepts my help. I try so hard to make it easy for him to accept my guidance and support, and this seems to be working.
It appears that "bathroom" and "toilet" are no longer in his vocabulary. He understands the meaning, but is unable to produce the words to indicate his needs. I realize now that bathroom needs must always be at the forefront any time he is trying to tell me something that I don't understand.
On a practical level, I've changed our mattress pad to one that will provide better protection for the mattress. I also have a spare mattress pad and extra bedding in the event I need to do a quick change at night. I have the proper undergarments for him to wear, when the time is right. At this point, my hyper-attentiveness will be all that is needed for now. Nighttime doesn't seem to be a problem, yet.
He is understandably frustrated with his decline in being able to communicate. I've learned a new technique over the last couple weeks or so that seems to help with his frustration.
Typically when he says something that is totally nonsensical, and I am unable to derive any meaning from context, I would say something vague, "I'm not sure". He would sometimes become angry that I didn't know the answer to his question. Lately I've been responding a little differently:
Jim: "What is the red side before tomorrow?"
Me: "I'm not sure...Do you know?"
It's a subtle difference, but by adding the "Do you know?" it takes the focus off me, and puts it back on him. I always use a tone of commiseration, and so far this seems to work fairly well. So instead of thinking about how upset he is that I don't know the answer, we can share the feeling of frustration that we both don't know the answer.
Lately there have been a few challenges with medications, where he has questioned why he needs "all these pills". This is new. I have started to make some decisions about what medications are really critical for him at this point. This turned out to be a wise move. He seems to be doing much better with less pills to pop in his mouth.
My friend Jan has been a tremendous support to me through our email exchanges. In her last email, she wrote "...but it also sounds like you are prepared to decide for yourself what is working well and what isn't. Hang onto that - you're the only one there who sees and knows what's going on."
What a powerful statement. It encourages me to trust myself and to trust the decisions that I am making for Jim on his behalf.
I have a link that might be of interest to others who are caring for and making decisions for someone with dementia. The European Association for Palliative Care developed guidelines for healthcare professionals and caregivers for those with dementia.
Update on boredom: I've been struggling with things to fill our time that Jim enjoys and is capable of participating, at least in an observational way. I just discovered the Science channel and the Animal Planet channel and he seems to be enjoying them. I have to keep the news to a minimum. He is incorporating way to much of it into our reality. The other day he said we needed to "lawyer up". He said this while the TV news was talking about Trump lawyering up. I've ordered a few jigsaw puzzles to try. I chose ones with dogs, since he is such a big dog lover. I am starting with very easy puzzles. His spatial skills are not good at all, so I don't know if this will work. We'll see....
Another post is written. So many changes and challenges. Thank you dear readers for listening and letting me share with you what is on my heart and mind.
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
"I Leave You With a Woman Who is Very Nice..."
"...and I've spent a lot of time with her."
Me: "Are you talking about me?"
Jim: "Yes. I will take good care of her."
A lot of times Jim's sentences are a string of words that don't make a lot of sense. And he frequently mixes up pronouns. But this one I figured out. So touching. This is the man I fell in love with so many years ago. Always the romantic, so thoughtful, full of love and tenderness. I'm really going to miss him when he's gone.
More changes have come our way, and today's post will document some of these changes. I have found it helpful for me to look back, and hopefully it may help others who are on this dementia journey, as I share what we are experiencing.
Lately Jim has been very focused on zippers. He has several favorite hoodies that he wears around the house when he feels too cold (often!). When he takes it off, he is compelled to zip it up before it goes on a hanger. He is no longer capable of doing this without my help. He will try to zip it up from the top, or he will take a label (from the seam) and try to insert it into the zipper to zip it up.
Dressing skills are in decline, he now needs specific verbal cues and gestures to help him with the task of dressing. His comprehension of the spoken word has declined enough so that I try to include gestures/pointing when speaking to him.
Doors are left open. Not really a big deal, but the other day he went outside to sweep the driveway and left the house door and garage door open. Had a few unwanted flying insects, but otherwise no big deal. He almost always needs a reminder to close the car door when he exits the car.
He no longer can "find" the seat belt. Once I point it out, he does not know how to buckle it without my guidance.
I need to be present when he heads to the kitchen. An ice cream container may end up sitting on the table. A dirty napkin may be tossed in the dishwasher. We are missing a few utensils; I suspect they may have landed in the trash.
He sometimes uses the wrong utensil (fork for a sauce). He also is having trouble using a knife to cut food. I've been finding clever ways to pre-cut food that make it easier, without making it look child-like. (I use a pizza wheel to cut a pizza into small, bite size squares.)
Shower time (mine!). I never shower until Jim is ready for the day. His routine of showering and dressing usually exhausts him. This works well, so that he is content to watch TV while I shower and get ready for the day. I always leave the bathroom door open so that he can hear where I am. Sometimes he'll come in to ask a pressing (for him) question. But most times it is a nice relaxing shower, and I am all by myself!
Probably the challenge I find the hardest is to create fun, meaningful ways to spend our time together. I added Hulu and Netflix, desperate for some additional viewing options. I thought for sure the documentary nature shows would be just the ticket. He used to love to watch reruns of Seinfeld, but not any longer. He always loved watching the news, but lately tires of it fairly quickly. I try very hard to take into account his inability to hold onto a thought for very long, and that his comprehension is poor. He is most content at home, so out of the house activities are for very short periods of time. Still working on this one...
Another post is written. Thanks for stopping by. I am so grateful for each and every one of my readers.
Me: "Are you talking about me?"
Jim: "Yes. I will take good care of her."
A lot of times Jim's sentences are a string of words that don't make a lot of sense. And he frequently mixes up pronouns. But this one I figured out. So touching. This is the man I fell in love with so many years ago. Always the romantic, so thoughtful, full of love and tenderness. I'm really going to miss him when he's gone.
More changes have come our way, and today's post will document some of these changes. I have found it helpful for me to look back, and hopefully it may help others who are on this dementia journey, as I share what we are experiencing.
Lately Jim has been very focused on zippers. He has several favorite hoodies that he wears around the house when he feels too cold (often!). When he takes it off, he is compelled to zip it up before it goes on a hanger. He is no longer capable of doing this without my help. He will try to zip it up from the top, or he will take a label (from the seam) and try to insert it into the zipper to zip it up.
Dressing skills are in decline, he now needs specific verbal cues and gestures to help him with the task of dressing. His comprehension of the spoken word has declined enough so that I try to include gestures/pointing when speaking to him.
Doors are left open. Not really a big deal, but the other day he went outside to sweep the driveway and left the house door and garage door open. Had a few unwanted flying insects, but otherwise no big deal. He almost always needs a reminder to close the car door when he exits the car.
He no longer can "find" the seat belt. Once I point it out, he does not know how to buckle it without my guidance.
I need to be present when he heads to the kitchen. An ice cream container may end up sitting on the table. A dirty napkin may be tossed in the dishwasher. We are missing a few utensils; I suspect they may have landed in the trash.
He sometimes uses the wrong utensil (fork for a sauce). He also is having trouble using a knife to cut food. I've been finding clever ways to pre-cut food that make it easier, without making it look child-like. (I use a pizza wheel to cut a pizza into small, bite size squares.)
Shower time (mine!). I never shower until Jim is ready for the day. His routine of showering and dressing usually exhausts him. This works well, so that he is content to watch TV while I shower and get ready for the day. I always leave the bathroom door open so that he can hear where I am. Sometimes he'll come in to ask a pressing (for him) question. But most times it is a nice relaxing shower, and I am all by myself!
Probably the challenge I find the hardest is to create fun, meaningful ways to spend our time together. I added Hulu and Netflix, desperate for some additional viewing options. I thought for sure the documentary nature shows would be just the ticket. He used to love to watch reruns of Seinfeld, but not any longer. He always loved watching the news, but lately tires of it fairly quickly. I try very hard to take into account his inability to hold onto a thought for very long, and that his comprehension is poor. He is most content at home, so out of the house activities are for very short periods of time. Still working on this one...
Another post is written. Thanks for stopping by. I am so grateful for each and every one of my readers.
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