tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post8220487280852302330..comments2023-11-14T00:05:35.172-05:00Comments on One of Life's Little Surprises: Emotional Closeness versus DistanceCarolehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237805282007404140noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-37847283146387353132016-12-20T06:04:39.564-05:002016-12-20T06:04:39.564-05:00Thanks for the warm thoughts Jude. And thanks for ...Thanks for the warm thoughts Jude. And thanks for sharing with me about your Grandma's dementia. I don't know what the answer is; I suspect there is none. Other than to focus on what is good that is happening in your life, and hanging on to the wonderful memories of better times. Carolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17237805282007404140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-84244008789725603082016-12-19T22:34:15.730-05:002016-12-19T22:34:15.730-05:00When my grandmother developed dementia, my aunt (G...When my grandmother developed dementia, my aunt (Grandma's youngest daughter) who lived nearby provided most of her caregiving. As Grandma's condition progressed, Grandma developed the persistent misconception that my uncle (aunt's husband), a wonderful person whom Grandma had known and liked for more 30 years, was a bad person who stole from her. It was very hurtful to my uncle, and must have created a strain in my my aunt's marriage for a time. Even when you know that the negative words and behaviours are due to the disease and not the person's character, it is is very hard to deal with. Sending you warm thoughts Carole.<br /><br />JudeDr Sock https://www.blogger.com/profile/13378594360241846301noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-54611111501866491562016-12-17T08:02:47.475-05:002016-12-17T08:02:47.475-05:00Wow, you summed it up so well Gigi! Thanks.Wow, you summed it up so well Gigi! Thanks.Carolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17237805282007404140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-66205884871873589392016-12-17T07:10:19.117-05:002016-12-17T07:10:19.117-05:00Yes, focus on being kind instead of being right.Yes, focus on being kind instead of being right.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-72587807305377189502016-12-16T09:10:56.754-05:002016-12-16T09:10:56.754-05:00Thanks DJan. I think it likely is a universal conc...Thanks DJan. I think it likely is a universal concern. For other conditions, such as cancer, diabetes etc at least there is treatment and hope. <br /><br />This blog has been just wonderful for me. Being able to freely express what is on my mind, and then all these wonderful blog friends respond with such caring comments. I'm grateful every day for this gift.Carolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17237805282007404140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-6112905181828791632016-12-16T09:01:58.673-05:002016-12-16T09:01:58.673-05:00I only know you through the words you write, but y...I only know you through the words you write, but you feel like a family member to me, already! I care for you and Jim and look forward to your posts so much, because I know that what you are going through could happen to me, although it hasn't yet. We are both in our mid-seventies and I see changes in friends and family that I now know might be caused by mental processes. I have also begun to think of angry people differently. It might not have anything at all to do with me. Thank you for giving me a new perspective. And you are always in my thoughts these days. :-)DJanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07152183871573797791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-53871034197348985882016-12-16T06:10:32.940-05:002016-12-16T06:10:32.940-05:00Thanks Valerie. It was initially such a shock to m...Thanks Valerie. It was initially such a shock to me to see my easy going, kind husband change into someone I just didn't recognize at times. I know our journey is likely to be a long one (many years), so it behooves me to adjust psychologically, and to enhance my coping skills while we are still early in the game.Carolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17237805282007404140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-91535988824939956792016-12-16T05:14:29.834-05:002016-12-16T05:14:29.834-05:00Up to now I have been quite ignorant of what you a...Up to now I have been quite ignorant of what you are going through. However, I have been watching a TV programme where the husband has dementia and the wife struggles. It is the first time I realised fully the extent of the illness and the violent moods. It made me wonder how I would have coped if my Joe had suffered with the same illness. I hope the study course is really beneficial for both of you. <br /><br />'The hardest part for me is not personalizing the hurtful things that are said.'Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12099030819314552958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-50827306299036453952016-12-15T18:03:39.610-05:002016-12-15T18:03:39.610-05:00Hi Glenda. Good question! Jim is pretty blasé abou...Hi Glenda. Good question! Jim is pretty blasé about a lot of things these days. But I did tell him that I was participating in a research study for caregivers. He knows that I am my mom's caregiver, so he just assumes it is in reference to her. When it comes time for the video conferencing, I'll just go into my office and close the door. That is not an unusual behavior, as we both sometimes do that if we are going to be on the phone for a while, so as not to disturb each other. Carolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17237805282007404140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-22653154315906115882016-12-15T17:58:57.070-05:002016-12-15T17:58:57.070-05:00I'm just curious, Carole. How will you keep Ji...I'm just curious, Carole. How will you keep Jim from knowing about the Leaf study materials and video conferencing?.. GlendaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-55208649818506596382016-12-15T17:54:08.390-05:002016-12-15T17:54:08.390-05:00Wow, that is a sad, poignant story Linda. Thanks f...Wow, that is a sad, poignant story Linda. Thanks for sharing. It's a story that is probably more common than we realize. It must have been very rewarding to be able to volunteer for such an organization. I'm sure you and Bob made a positive difference in the lives of many people. Carolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17237805282007404140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-20413272162333739142016-12-15T17:30:20.255-05:002016-12-15T17:30:20.255-05:00Bob & I served as volunteers in a guardianship...Bob & I served as volunteers in a guardianship program in Texas. At one time Bob was guardian of a man who's mental illness had caused so much hurt his children signed him over to the courts. His daughter was a practicing psychologist. Once he became bedfast they again accepted guardianship of him and moved him to a facility near them. His bad behavior didn't bother Bob because he had no emotional involvement with him but it tore his family to pieces. As long as he was mobile and causing trouble they wanted nothing to do with him.Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11586429675286969340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-539838533292257612016-12-15T15:40:42.004-05:002016-12-15T15:40:42.004-05:00Oh, you may be giving me to much credit Patti. But...Oh, you may be giving me to much credit Patti. But I'm learning from my mistakes, for the most part. Read, ponder, read, write, ponder; these are my strategies these days for gathering insight and strength.<br /><br />The friendships I have are amazing. I like how you describe it "disengage and let in the fresh air". I'm realizing that I get more out of our time together if the focus is not on Jim. I always feel loved and refreshed after spending time with friends. And that includes blog friends too :-)Carolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17237805282007404140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1268654142180590336.post-11495125381370400722016-12-15T15:22:48.007-05:002016-12-15T15:22:48.007-05:00I am always amazed how you manage to work through ...I am always amazed how you manage to work through situations that would anger or hurt a lot of us. It is easier in retrospect to see the right way, not always so much while in the moment. Well done lady.<br />So glad you have persons to go to where you can disengage and let in the fresh air. Arkansas Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14156004753267665579noreply@blogger.com