Jim and I are headed to Philadelphia next weekend for a wedding. We are very fond of this dear young couple and are looking forward to this very special event. Previously http://oneoflifeslittlesurprises.blogspot.com/2016/07/mental-gymnastics.html I wrote about our experience of buying a new suit for Jim. He planned on wearing a white shirt that he had purchased a couple of years ago. It fit well and was still in style.
Today he discovered a discoloration near the collar. My vision is perfect, but I honestly could not see what he was talking about. But once he is convinced, it is very difficult to get him going in a different direction. And, the supposed discoloration was on the inside of the collar, not at all visible while wearing. It suddenly took on an urgency that is almost impossible for me to describe. He wanted to go immediately to the men's store (where we bought the suit) to get a new shirt. "I have to do it right now because there are only a couple of days left!" It was 3:30 in the afternoon, pouring rain, and I was in the middle of a project. I suggested that we wait until tomorrow morning to go, and reminded him that the wedding was a week away. Didn't work. He was so worked up, so anxious, it was hard to watch. "You don't expect me to sleep on this, do you???"
So, off we go. I managed to get into my car before he could even think about driving. He certainly was in no shape to drive, given his anxiety level. We successfully purchased a very nice new white shirt. On the way home he was visibly more relaxed. The rain was off and on, but suddenly started to pour torrential rains. Fortunately we were close to the highway exit and could meander at slower speeds safely to get home. As we exited the highway he said "Boy, that was a close call!" I thought he was talking about the rain. When I replied something about the heavy rain, he said "No! I mean it was a close call about the shirt! I didn't know what I was going to do!"
His world has gotten smaller. I see that more and more, as he ascribes intense meaning and emotion to what I would consider the minutia of life. This is the only explanation I can think of to explain the anxiety he experiences when something doesn't go quite right in his life.
Fortunately these anxious moments are not often. I'm learning how to help him through these times when they do happen. Basically it means being willing to go with the flow, not challenge, offer reassurance, and essentially be supportive.
We have some wonderful neighbors. We especially enjoy the young family who live next door to us. The other day I ran into Molly (the mom). She asked me if Jim was OK. She said that she and her husband had noticed some changes.....It was so sweet, her expression of caring and concern. I told her that Jim was having some problems with his memory, but I also let her know that he did not acknowledge any memory deficits. She said all the right things. And, said to let them know if there was anything they could do, or if we needed any help. How lucky we are to have such a wonderful family living right next door to us!
Jim and I have always enjoyed following politics together. One of our proud possessions is a photograph of Jim and Hillary. The picture was taken at a political event when she was doing her "listening tour" while running for NY state senator in 1999. Prior to my retirement, we had talked about traveling to the different states during the presidential primaries to be a part of the process and to witness firsthand history in the making. That kind of travel is not feasible with Jim's health changes, but we sure do enjoy following all the political news. Thank goodness for the internet news sources. Jim has had problems retaining some of the details of the political stories. But by checking his news feed frequently throughout the day it helps him recall with better clarity. We still love to talk about politics and commiserate about the latest news. (Seems like there is a big breaking story every day!)
Well, once again, thank you dear readers for listening to me. When I sit down to type, the words just flow. And I feel like I am talking out loud to each and every one of you. For that I am grateful.